End of my frontend & telegram career

Lately, I’ve been thinking about my career, personality and the things I’m doing right now. Every time when I posted something on my Telegram channel, I found myself dissatisfied. Even though, my friends were telling me that I wasn’t doing right. At the beginning, I didn’t take that seriously, because I believed that I have to follow the ethics of my personality that were crafted by myself. However, all this time, I’ve been drowning in the deepest, darkest sides of my heart which led me to depression and endless sadness which affected my life as a whole.

You might have noticed that I posted lots of hate and nonsensical things about me which had nothing to do with people. I forgot something, something that helped me to become who I am right now…

Maybe it’s just me? Maybe it’s just my past feelings that are slowly convincing me to remember my horrible past I went through. Maybe it’s just the emptiness of my heart and feelings of being lonely… I don’t know, I just can’t assume it all.

The last few days, I stood silent and started thinking about myself. Who am I? Why am I doing this? Why should I have to? Do you remember me changing the wallpaper to a black background with a little red dot? That was actually the colors left in me… and now… even that red dot has gone! Now I’m left with nothing but a black emptiness in my mind which leads me to the drench of mixed feelings. Maybe I was angry then, because I was helpless and couldn’t control my emotions…

By being silent, I realized a lot. All this time, I’ve been feeding myself with lies and unwillingness made up by myself. They don't say it for no reason that silence is a language of the gods.

Eventually, I understood that I was just a “sad machine”

Maybe I should change my personality again? That will do something! But no… Why should I keep running every time from my own lies? Indeed, it is the reality that I crafted by myself for myself and I have to accept it no matter what - I said to myself.

Maybe I’m feeling sad because I need more money? No, I already have enough to eat, exist and do things that I love… maybe I need more love? Idiot! You already have the most merciful one who cares for you. Maybe… I’m just burning out? Maybe, maybe…

I understood that I was doing it wrong, I mean things that I didn’t enjoy and love. I’m sure Geno and UwU would say the same if they had seen me now. I had to do something, I have to change that...

After thinking for a while, I started finding the sources of my problem and made lots of changes to my personality and did a git push in the end.

From now on, I refuse to share something on my blog, the blog will be left as an archive of mine and will not get any updates anymore. I realized that I’m tired from blogging and it was nothing but a waste of time. I would have crafted something that would be more useful for people and share on open source, instead of writing meaningless texts on social messengers. Blogging is a good tool for people who seek improvements and keep track of the progress of your own, but it can become a sort of mess or even worse, a bad instrument in the hands of depression.

Maybe I will post something, but only if I make changes to my style and intentions of writing something… maybe, maybe…

Moreover, I’m leaving frontend development. Yes, you read it right! I’m tired of crafting websites. I used to be keen on making websites and creating beautiful graphics. However, the more I got deeper into system engineering, the more I realized that I’ve been forcing myself to do web things lately. Indeed, I might create web or maintain my own website, but it all will be just for the sake of my own things. Don’t expect from me a website anymore… even if there will be, it’ll be just a mix of dark and white. I guess, it’s time to focus more on things that I couldn’t finish, like Xinux maybe?)

I’ll continue living as Yuri… As this one will be my penultimate personality I’ll ever be and it has to serve me well for the next few years 😉 Simply, I’ll stop doing things that I dislike and focus more on what I’m currently enjoying. I don’t know whether you should expect the next post or not, but I’ll definitely be online on Twitter… so, see ya'll on Twitter. For the rest...

Simply, Goodbye to Telegram and Frontend World!